Who I am When You're Not Looking
by midnitefury
Summary: Things aren't always as they appear. Sasuke's back, Team Seven reunited. Everything seems peaceful, but sometimes we are blissfully unaware of what lies right in front of us. But that's what the saying's from-Ignorance is bliss. SasuNaru, SasuFEMNaru
1. Chapter 1

It was her birthday.

She hated her birthday. Hated it more than you could ever imagine.

"Take it, demon. Enjoy it. You deserve it."

It took everything she had to keep the henge. Everything.

She was so concentrated that she didn't make noise. That annoyed them.

But they got over that. Especially when she bled.

She woke up slowly, her body not wanting to move. Oh God did it hurt. A look down told her the henge was intact, but her clothing was not.

And she wasn't in her apartment. Shit.

Wincing, she got up and fled. She was only a few blocks from home, thank goodness.

"Dobe! Dobe, wake up!"

She froze when she saw Sasuke standing at her door.

Wrong choice.

At the sudden cease in movement, her protesting muscles screamed in agony. She stumbled, and fell to her knees. Sasuke looked up, annoyed that someone interrupted him interrupting the dobe's sleep-

"Naruto…?"

She was vaguely aware that her chakra was slipping. Internal healing along with keeping up the henge was hard.

Especially with this much healing to do.

"Teme," she said softly. "What are you doing here?"

Sasuke stared at her blankly. "We were going to train," he said, as though it was obvious.

She racked her brain, trying to remember. She did _not _remember saying they would train today.

Especially not today.

"Change in plans," she said, struggling to get upright without wincing. "Can't today."

Sasuke stared at her oddly.

She got up slowly, slightly proud that she hadn't winced or otherwise.

"Why not?"

Naruto stiffened. "I just can't," she said, walking past, annoyed that he watched her every step. But then, looking down, she could see why. Her shirt was long gone, torn to shreds. Her pants were still hanging off her frame, but only barely.

She unlocked the door, slamming it behind her before he could follow just as her henge dissipated.

Sasuke pounded on her door, but she didn't dare answer, her voice wouldn't be as low or deep as before.

He stopped soon, and she breathed out, staggering to the bathroom.

_Bam bam bam._

Naruto jerked awake suddenly. The banging continued.

_Bam bam bam bam._

"Naruto! You in there?"

Sakura. No doubt because it was-she looked at the clock-nearly twelve o' clock noon. Naruto never slept _this _late.

She got dressed quickly, glad for once of Kyuubi and her ability to heal so much faster than others.

Naruto answered the door after activating the henge. "Naruto! It's so late! Where have you been?"

Naruto blinked at the pink-haired kuniochi. "I was sleeping. Sorry."

Now Sakura blinked. "You were still asleep? Are you feeling alright?" Naruto dismissed her reaching hand.

"I'm fine, Sakura-chan. What did you need?"

She blinked again. "Training with Sasuke-kun and Kakashi-sensei?"

Oh. Shit.

"Gimme two seconds. Or just not wait for me." Naruto backed up and slammed the door in a confused-looking Sakura's face. She rushed around, grabbing her ninja garb and sandals. When she opened the door, Sakura was still there.

"Naruto!"

Naruto blinked. "What?"

Sakura looked _angry. _"You pervert!" She said before aiming a punch at Naruto's head. She dodged it deftly, cursing herself. "You and your damn sexy justu!"

The henge had dispelled while she'd been running around. It must have taken more chakra to heal than she'd been aware of.

She quickly fixed the problem, and a repentant Naruto pleaded with Sakura to stop being angry.

It was all a lie, of course. But appearances had to be kept.

"Naruto. Nice of you to join us," Kakashi said. His one visible eye didn't have the tell-tale upside quality-he wasn't smiling, despite his easy-going sound.

Naruto made a noise of agreement. It was strange that 'man speak' was easy to understand once you knew why they communicated in grunts, unlike most females. Girls had a tendency to blab, while guys normally kept to themselves. As far as Naruto could tell. She wasn't really one of the guys, anyway. Not that they knew she wasn't.

"Sparring. Naruto and Sasuke. Sakura, you're with me." Three nods answered, and four people were suddenly in different places.

Sasuke didn't acknowledge the fact that Naruto had missed yesterday, or that she had been extremely late. Kunai were thrown and blows were exchanged, each falling into steady rhythm. It was familiar, but different. Techniques had changed over the years apart, and they were each still learning the new styles. Across, farther away, Sakura had already reduced parts of the green lawn into chunks of misplaced earth. It didn't seem that she had landed a punch on Kakashi, though.

In Naruto's distraction, Sasuke delivered a well-placed fist into the gut, catching her off-guard. She grunted. Of _course, _he had to hit her right _there, _the center of the seal. As it were, her own curse. And of course, being hit there was a bit uncomfortable under normal circumstances, but in light of _recent events, _such as having to use so much of the Kyuubi's chakra to heal so much in such a short amount of time, being punched in the center of the seal was nearly _excruciating. _Sasuke drew back, ready for Naruto's counterattack, but none came.

She fell to her knees, an arm wrapped around her middle, the other still holding a kunai uselessly at her side.

_Lightning, _she thought dimly. _It's like being hit by lightning. Like chidori._

She fell forward, landing in front of Sasuke, who was utterly confused.

And for the second time that day, the henge dispelled without her knowledge.

But this time, she wasn't awake to fix it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two right away-wow I feel like I'm working hard… XD (it's been sitting in my computer's files for about the last.. Forever. SO YEAH. Enjoyyyy.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. At all. Sadface. And if I made money from this that would be a dick move and I don't like making dick moves so I don't make money from this at all in any way. At all. **

Sasuke stood in front of Naruto, very confused. Wait… Confused wasn't the word.  
More like, _shocked._

He crouched by his head. Naruto's eyes were shut, an almost pained expression frozen on his unconscious face.  
Sakura and Kakashi suddenly appeared at his side. "What did you do to him?" Kakashi asked dryly. A book was in his hand already.

"Nothing. I punched him," Sasuke said slowly, still staring at his unconscious teammate. Sakura knelt by him, and gently turned him over. His hand was still over his stomach, almost protectively. But… his jacket had an odd shape to it now, that was most definitely different than before.

Naruto had… breasts. That was certainly obvious.  
Sakura gaped. Sasuke stared, his mask of indifference only slightly marred. Kakashi put away Ichi Ichi.

"Well, I suppose we take him-er, her, to Tsunade. It's not as though the hospital will know what to do," Kakashi said, scratching the back of his head. Sakura looked up.

"I'll take him," she said, picking up her comrade. Sasuke got up mechanically. Sakura, carrying Naruto, Sasuke following, and Kakashi behind them to the Hokage's tower.

* * *

"Tsunade-sama," Sakura said, still holding Naruto. Tsunade looked up, reaching for more sake, then snatched her hand back.

"What's wrong with him?" She asked, already skirting her desk and walking towards them.

"I don't know! Sasuke said he just punched him, and then… a henge dispelled."

Tsunade looked up at the three abruptly. "The henge dispelled?" She looked back at the unconscious Naruto, and sure enough, it was gone. _Shit!  
_At least the day was past. Two days ago, now? It was past.

"Did anyone see you?" She said. The three shook their heads. Tsunade nodded curtly, and took the blonde from Sakura's arms. "Kakashi, Sakura, Sasuke, come with me." She darted out the open window, and they followed without hesitation.  
Shizune walked in just as they left, seeing a spikey blonde head of hair in Tsunade's grasp. _Oh no, Naruto._

_

* * *

_

_Kit. Wake up. They're waiting for you._

Mmmm… but it was so _comfortable _to sleep. Warm and comfortable and soft and warm…

_Kit, you have to wake up._

But sleeping seemed like such a better alternative…

_There is no alternative! Kit, wake up!_

Naruto blinked slowly, owlishly. Four pairs of eyes watched her anxiously.  
She looked down stiffened. Her orange jacket had been replaced by a hospital gown, and her chest was most certainly not male.

"Naruto?" It was Tsunade who spoke, but the other three watched her attentively for her answer. At least, one did. The other two tried to make it seem like they weren't, but living for so long as 'one of them,' had tipped her off.

"Mmm," she said noncommittally.

"You dispelled the henge," Tsunade said softly. Naruto glared icily.

"I did _not _dispel the damn thing. I passed out. That doesn't count," she spat. Her teammate's faces broke into astonished expressions-_what was she talking about?_

"But it's been modified to not dispel if you lose consciousness," Tsunade countered.

Naruto glared dangerously. "Too much chakra gone means it'll dispel whether I want it to or not."  
The other three in the room watched and listened carefully, gleaning what they could from the odd exchange.

Tsunade blinked. "Too much chakra…?"  
Naruto stared back at her, daring her to go on. To ask how in the world so much chakra could be used. She would love to tell her.

"How…?" Tsunade asked, unable to string the right words together to make a sentence.

Naruto grinned, slowly, maliciously, deliberately. "You want to really know what could possibly use that much chakra?"

"What are you talking about? _This _isn't a henge?" Sakura interrupted, gesturing at Naruto.

"Naruto?"

"It's not a henge," Naruto said softly, the feral smile disappearing suddenly.

"That day, before, when I was at your apartment, and you showed up, all…" Sasuke didn't finish his sentence. "What happened?"  
Naruto didn't look up. Tsunade paled.

"What?"

Naruto glared, tears glistening in her eyes. "The demon of the village shows up at his apartment, bloody and ripped and broken What do _you _think happened? They-"

"That's enough, Naruto," Tsunade said softly, warning her not to continue.

"How did they-" Sakura swallowed, "how did they get to you? I mean,-"

"They choose that day for a reason," The hokage explained. "The day Kyuubi was sealed away inside Naruto. It's the day it's weakest, therefore, it's the day Naruto is weakest."  
Naruto nodded.

"The worst day of the whole frickin' year," she muttered.  
Year. Did that mean…?

"Naruto, has this happened more than once?" Kakashi asked.

She smiled grimly. "Every single year, Kakashi_-sensei,_" she said. "Every fucking year."  
For once, Tsunade didn't comment on her language.

"Who?"  
Naruto looked up.

"Who?" Sasuke repeated.  
Naruto shrugged.

"Naruto, who does this to you?"

She shrugged again. "Too many to name names," she said softly. Tsunade stood suddenly. The busty blonde woman who normally seemed to take up all the space in the room now only commanded a fraction of that space.  
"I have to go." She walked out without another word.

Team Seven sat in the room, alone.

They stared at Naruto. Naruto stared back. Eventually she became tired of this joke of a game, and nervously glanced around the room. She spotted her jacket and climbed out of the bed, not caring if her backside was visible or not.

It wasn't as though it was a pretty sight, anyway.

Once in the familiar jacket, she turned. Sakura started to say something, but Naruto cut her off.

"I'm going to go home, sleep, and then maybe eat as many bowls of ramen as I can. _Not a word_ of this to _anyone. _Not even Baa-chan." At first, she was speaking steadily, but by the end of her statement, she was nearly whispering.

Sakura nodded, tears in her eyes.

Sasuke said nothing.

Kakashi looked on gravely.

Naruto left, striding steadily, her chest flat and her henge in place.

More lies.

* * *

Sleep wouldn't come. It _had _come, but the nightmares forced her awake.

Naruto got up, groaning. _Still _wasn't completely healed. This was getting ridiculous.

Just as she got up, someone knocked at the door. Perfect timing. Probably Sakura again, trying to be a supportive _girlfriend. _Naruto didn't need another girl to hover over her. Growing up as a male had given her a trait most girls didn't have: she didn't talk things out, she beat them out.

She answered the door, and froze. Sasuke?

Naruto rubbed her eyes sleepily. "Teme? What are you doing here?"  
He didn't answer.

"Okay, fine. I'm going back to bed." She turned to shut the door again, but he stopped it.

"Wait."  
Naruto waited.

He reached out, and she flinched, but he didn't draw back. His hand went across her cheek softly. Naruto groaned inwardly. She had woken up crying from the dream, and hadn't properly washed her face. Dried salt was probably still crusted to her face.

"You were crying," Sasuke said.  
Damn it.

"Yeah, so? I'm a fucking _girl,_ Sasuke. We cry. A lot, sometimes."  
Sasuke didn't seem to be affected by her harsh reply.

"I suppose. Sakura cries enough."  
Naruto couldn't help but to smile at that. She released the henge, issuing a _poof!_ of smoke. "What are you doing here?" She asked again. Sasuke shrugged. Naruto sighed. "You wanna come inside?"

He didn't answer. Just stared with those dead black eyes of his. Damn.

"Okay, well, I'm going back inside now, teme." She turned, and when he followed, she wasn't surprised.  
She was, however, surprised, when she turned around and Sasuke was _right behind her. _Barely an inch of air separated the two.

"Holy crap, teme. Space!" Naruto stepped quickly away, wincing inwardly at how shrill her words sounded.  
Sasuke stepped back instantaneously. Naruto exhaled sharply, turned, and stomped to her couch, carefully sitting down.

Sasuke followed. Naruto glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Why are you here?" she asked.

His black eyes wouldn't stop _staring _at her. "Did they rape you, Naruto?"

Naruto gaped at him. Then she stood up abruptly and unsteadily, pointing back at the door. "Leave. Leave right now, damn it." He didn't budge. Sasuke stared up at her instead.

Naruto bristled impossibly more. "Goddammit Sasuke, you don't leave I'm going to throw you through the fucking door."

No.

Suddenly Sasuke was in front of her, a gentle hand on her outstretched arm. "Naruto, I'm just concerned. Stop it," he said softly.

Damn. Of course Sasuke had to go and be nice when all she wanted was a reason to hit him. Hard. Naruto wrenched her arm from his grip. "You shouldn't be. Get out, Sasuke."

His gaze bore into her eyes. Sasuke had changed some over the time apart, while he was with Orochimaru, but some things never changed, he supposed. Some idiots stayed idiots, even if they weren't the gender you thought they were. It was daunting, thinking of her as _her,_ but even worse to think of her as _him, _and being abused in such a way.

Sasuke would never admit it, but Naruto… Naruto had gotten to him. More than Sakura could ever hope to. In fact, Naruto was his best friend. Still, he hoped. Maybe. Maybe, perhaps, they could be more. He found himself almost wishing that he could have some claim on this strong-willed young woman, so that he could have a reason to go out and beat whoever hurt her into nothing more than a stain on the wall. Even more than he wanted to have reason to physically hurt her _rapists (_as he was sure this is what Tsunade had kept her from saying)_, _he wanted to have a claim on her, so that no one else would touch her. So that she was _his. _

"Teme, dammit, leave."  
Her voice was cold and dagger-sharp. Sasuke almost winced at her words.

Still staring into her eyes, something was there.  
Something almost like regret. Or guilt. Something.

And then it was gone, and Naruto was glaring at Sasuke, daring him to ignore her words.

"No," he said quietly. He would protect her, even if he didn't have that claim.  
Naruto's face twisted into a grimace, and she shoved him. On her wobbly feet, she fell forward, leaning awkwardly on his chest.

Landing at such an angle made her elbow herself with her half-out-stretched arm, into the seal. She stiffened immediately, inhaling sharply. It still hurt. A lot. Not enough to make her pass out again, but more than enough to make her vision swim for a moment and for her head to cloud. And enough to make her clutch unknowingly at the cloth beneath her fingers, Sasuke's shirt.

Sasuke eased her back to the couch, peeling her fingers from his front. "Damn it," she muttered. "So damn clumsy."

Naruto could have sworn she heard him chuckle. But then, this was Sasuke, right? The damned Uchiha never so much as smiled. He sat down by her, but didn't touch her.

At some point, Naruto must have fallen asleep, because when she woke, he was gone.

* * *

_Kyuubi, what's going on?_

The demon didn't answer.

_I know you can hear me. You're in my head, stupid._

Kyuubi growled softly at the insult.

_See? Told you._ _Now what's happening?_

Kyuubi didn't answer, but it wasn't dead silence. More like the pause to think of an answer.

_Kit, _he answered slowly. _What do you want to know?_

Naruto sighed. _Why the hell I'm not one hundred percent. It's been a few days. Normally it's barely twenty-four hours. It's been _days.

It was Kyuubi's turn to sigh.

_Kit, I've been sealed away inside you since your birth. We're going to merge. I've told you this before. _The voice of the fox gave the impression of it rolling it's eyes at Naruto's forgetfulness.

_Merge? You haven't told me this before, dumb fox! I would have remembered something important like that! What the hell does _merge _mean?_

_It means just what it is. We will become one being, instead of one locked inside the other. It's your body to control, however, it'll change. You will have physical attributes of me, and the strength that comes with it. I will still be locked away, _he said almost sullenly.

_What does that have to do with anything?_

_Fluctuations of chakra come with the territory. The last bit, the physical changes, will be painful._

Naruto scoffed. Pain. Pain was nothing.

_So does that mean I'm low on chakra until this whole process is over?_

She could sense him rolling his eyes again. _Fluctuations. An excess, a shortage. It will vary._

_Okay… What do I do when there's an excess?_

_Use it, idiot human! Puny little meat-sack, asking stupid questions. I am a demon! The Nine-Tailed! Kyuubi no Yoko! That I have to answer to such a dunce is an outrage! I would crush you, had I not been sealed away inside of your worthless self! I would drag out your innards and-_

Oops. Naruto had gotten him mad. Very mad. She hadn't had him ramble like this for quite a while. Oopsie.

* * *

"Naruto, are you sure you should be training? I mean, you've-"

"Sakura, shut the fuck up before I shut you the fuck up."  
Sakura shut up.

There wasn't anything that could keep Naruto from training, from getting stronger. It wasn't possible to keep her from it. Not injury, not messed up chakra, and certainly not Sakura.

Perfecting jutsu, and using already perfected jutsu, just to see if it could get better. Throwing kunai and shurikan around, improving defense and offense. Honing skills.

Of course, it was pretty impossible to do that with Sakura squawking every few moments.

And then there was the teme, watching them duke it out. Sakura, purely for training reasons, and Naruto, taking out her anger and frustrations on her.

It was a great stress reliever.

Sakura threw a chakra-laced punch at the ground, creating a mini-earthquake. Naruto leapt at the wrong moment, just as the tremors intensified under her feet. She landed hard, and the dull crunch of bone sounded. "_Damn it,_" Naruto hissed, sitting on the ground awkwardly, her leg at an odd angle.

"Naruto!" Sakura ran over, jumping lightly over misplaced earth and crevices. "It's broken," she said, carefully rolling back an orange pant leg. Bone protruded, scarlet contrasting against the white.

"No, really? I thought it was just sticking out because it's _supposed _to do that," Naruto spat.

Sakura hesitated, then looked up. "What do you want me to do?"

Naruto rolled her eyes. "Just set it."

Sakura pursed her lips and set to work, aligning the bone in its proper place. Naruto grit her teeth. "It's a pretty clean break," Sakura said, still working. Her hands glowed a warm green, closing the punctured skin. She helped Naruto up, and placed her arm over her shoulders, supporting her so she could walk. Sasuke came up by them, but said nothing. Sakura waved him off, and he trudged away. Naruto watched him go, but said nothing. It was out of character for him to just leave because Sakura said so.

"I can get you a crutch or something later, but for now we'll just get you home," Sakura said. Naruto nodded.

She really wanted to punch the kuniochi supporting her. She hadn't asked for help, and she didn't like having it handed to her. But as it was, there wasn't much she knew about the medical field, considering her training with Jariaya instead of Tsunade. It was not a bad choice, because normally there was only one medical ninja on a team, but it wouldn't have done any harm. She'd have to ask Granny to teach her the basics sometime.

The walk home was a long one, especially with Sakura chattering the whole time. It was terribly annoying, and she only seemed to have one topic: Sasuke.

"Naruto, do you think he's really changed that much? He seems the same. Maybe. A little. He still doesn't talk much…"

_Maybe because you don't let him get a word in edgewise.  
_"Naruto, do you think Sasuke might like me? I told him I loved him the night he left, but he never confessed back. I wonder if he likes someone… Oh, it had better not be Ino-pig…"

_Maybe he does like her. It's not your business to know his business.  
_"Naruto, why don't you live like a girl? You are one, after all. It seems odd that-"

"Maybe I don't need you judging me, Sakura."  
Sakura went silent.

_Oops, did I say that one out loud?  
_Sakura remained quiet.

_Yep.  
_The rest of the walk went surprisingly quickly. Sakura bade Naruto a quick goodbye, and left, leaving her alone in her apartment.

_Not enough chakra for clones. Damn.  
_Her chakra was still unnaturally low. She normally had more than enough, and with Kyuubi's added, it was immense. But as of now, she didn't even have the resources for a single proper clone. Barely enough for the warm ache of mending to heat her broken leg.

Naruto hobbled to her living room, and sat down heavily. So much for that crutch… if Sakura was even going to hold true to her words. She might not, after Naruto had said that. She hadn't meant to…

Ah, well. If that was how it would be, that's how it would be. _Better to speak your mind than to hole it up_, Naruto thought as she stretched out.

_But sometimes it is better to keep to yourself than to hurt another, _Kyuubi said.

"Wasn't asking for your opinion, fox," Naruto mumbled aloud. She fell asleep, thinking of earthquakes and foxes.


End file.
